Top Ten Weird Tattoo Requests

 When sitting through a tattoo session that lasts for hours, clients often look for something (ANYTHING) to distract them from the process.  Inevitably, questions are asked about tattooing and the industry; it is a mystery to most people and you have a tattoo artist on hand, so why not?  A question I get asked frequently is "What is the weirdest thing you have been asked to tattoo?"  I create some tattoo designs that are a little out there, which I am certain inspires this particular question.  For the curious, the following are my current top ten things I have been requested to tattoo that I thought were a little weird:

 Number 10: The Inside-Out Tattoo

 This one was not so much weird as challenging.  The client wanted a particular geometric design that had some spiritual significance.  When the design is drawn properly, it is drawn from the center outward.  Tattoos are generally done from one lower corner to the opposite upper corner to maintain the stencil.  The client wanted the tattoo executed in accordance to the traditional ritual.  Thankfully, it was a relatively small tattoo.

 Number 9: The Lesson Not Learned Tattoo

 I had a young lady come in with her significant other.  The plan (or, rather, HER plan, because the guy was less than enthusiastic), was to get tattoos together with one another's name.  The weird part was that she still had her ex-boyfriend's name tattooed on her.  It made me think of the Steve Martin film, "The Jerk", where the girl has so many names tattooed on her that Martin's character compares his name being on her like his name being in the phone book.  Not so much weird as amusing.  If you would like to read why getting that special someone's name tattooed is a bad idea, check out this post.

 Number 8: The Lost Bet

 A couple of college guys; one white and the other black, came into the shop for a tattoo.  The two had made a wager and the white guy lost.  As a result, he now has "100% Cracker" tattooed in Old English script across his abdomen.  I shudder to think what the black guy would have gotten if he lost.

*Update: The owner of this tattoo has reached out to me and advised that I remembered the incident incorrectly.  While I recall that he did get the tattoo with one of his buddies in tow, he had not lost a bet, and apparently the other guy was not black (his term for a gentleman of the African persuasion was far less kind).  While I recall that they both found this tattoo concept hilarious, it appears that there was no wager.  The guy just wanted this tattoo. Stay classy, my friends.

 Number 7: The Sore Loser

 Speaking of lost bets, early in my career a woman came into the shop requesting a tattoo behind her ear.  She was clearly a woman of some means used to having her way, the type of girl who talks-down to nearly everyone she interacts with.  She wanted a letter 'A' tattooed behind her ear, but she didn't seem happy at all about the idea.  When I finally asked her why she didn't seem excited about getting the tattoo, she informed me that she had lost a bet with an "asshole" at work, and it was his initial that she was required to get tattooed.

 She did not leave a tip.

 Number 6:  Clearly I Have Made Poor Choices

 Is the tattoo weird?  Yes, but I love it.  This was another lost bet a friend of mine made with his Kung Fu instructor.  For losing, my friend was required to get a dolphin wearing a sombrero.  I added the mustache and bandoleer to the design, and I think the phrase was his own.

 Number 5:  The Banana Crew

 We had a group of guys, like five guys, all come into the shop at once requesting banana tattoos.  My guy wanted a sculptural looking banana with the words "Top Banana" etched in it.  Among the others were a banana playing a banjo and a banana ejaculating.

 Number 4:  A Rose by Any Other Name

 I don't discriminate, and I generally try to be cool with everyone.  As such, I have a significant number of gay male clients.  I tattooed one guy who appreciated my professionalism, and he told his friends.  One of these friends reached out to me via email, asking about the possibility and price of tattooing a rose around his anus.  He never followed through with the request by setting an appointment.

 Number 3:  The Lover's Kiss Prints

 Early in my career I was working one night with another artist, and a couple of ladies came into the shop.  They were partners, and initially just wanted to see what their idea would cost.  They wanted one another's kiss prints tattooed on their partner's pubic mound, just above the labial split.  The other artist offered them a price they simply couldn't refuse, and I found myself shaving a woman's pubic hair off to apply her girlfriend's lip print tattoo.  I also learned that this mother of two had just left her husband for the woman in the next station.  I guess there is some truth to the idea that lesbians tend to move fast.

 Number 2: The Happy Button Smiley Face

 This may have been more of about making conversation than an actual request, but I was once asked about tattooing a simple smiley face on a woman's clitoris.  It was apparently girls' night out and I was doing a couple of small tattoos on two of a group of girls who were out partying.  One of the friends who was there to offer support just out of the blue said, "Would you tattoo a smiley face on my clit?"  The room full of girls erupted into out bursts of "oh my gawd!" and laughter.  I replied that I would need to see the clitoris to know if it was feasible, but that I would do it.

 Number 1: The Penis Tattoo Cover-Up

 I still have trouble wrapping my head around this one.  A guy contacts me about a cover-up.  He is wanting to propose to his girlfriend.  The problem is that he has his ex-wife's name tattooed on his penis.  Yep, down the center of the top of his shaft.  It had apparently been a point of contention for some time, and I could imagine why.  Before he proposed, he wanted to demonstrate just how committed he was to his lady (and how over he was with the ex).  Executing a penis tattoo is difficult (I initially typed the word "hard", but people might have gotten the wrong idea), a cover-up would be even more so.  I have a feeling I priced myself out of doing the tattoo.

 Jason Sorrell is a writer, tattoo artist, satirist, artist, and generally nice guy living in Austin, TX.  He loves answering questions about tattoos.  Shoot him a message at https://www.facebook.com/tattoonerdz/

Do You Really Want His or Her Name as a Tattoo?

Love makes people crazy...

 This happens more frequently than I care to admit.  Someone walks into the tattoo studio. They are on Cloud 9.  They have found THE ONE, and they want a way to demonstrate their love and devotion to that person.  They have decided that proof of their unending passion for their lover would best be expressed through having that person's name forever tattooed into their skin.

 We artists happily take the commission.  We may offer some small words of advice; asking if the client is certain this is what they want, but that is all.  Secretly, we are shaking our collective heads.  The name-tattoo is almost always the death-knell of a doomed relationship.  Generally, we can expect to see the client back within six months for a cover-up.  Perhaps it is that passion that burns fiercest dies the fastest, or perhaps their partner questions the validity of being with someone who would make such an irresponsible choice.  Whatever, name-tattoos are probably not the way to express your love.

Hopefully Patricia is okay with you having trouble finding work.

 You should never get a tattoo for another person.  A tattoo is a personal statement, one you hope to take with you to the grave.  Tattoos gotten for someone else, whether going along and getting a tattoo during Girls' Night Out because your friend wants one and doesn't want to be alone or to express you love for another, will almost always be tattoos you will regret.  Before you get that special-someone's moniker inked into your neck, consider the following:

 How long have you been with your lover?  It is shocking the number of people who are willing to do something crazy like get a name-tattoo after being with someone for just one week.  A tattoo is a bit of a commitment, so keep in mind that over half the marriages in the US end in divorce, most marriages only last 8 years, and one third of the people who marry at the age of 20-24 get a divorce.  Maybe you should wait to see how this relationship works out a little while before you get under a needle for the one you love.

 Names and portraits are meant to memorialize and celebrate someone who has had a major impact on your life.  Typically this is your parents or your children.  While this is not so much the case anymore, traditionally these kinds of tattoos were reserved to commemorate the passing of someone you cared for.  The Art of Tattoo is chocked full of weird little superstitions, and one such superstition is against getting a name or portrait tattoo of someone who is still alive.  It is akin to the taboo about laying down in a coffin.  

They deserve each other.  Best of luck!

 If you are coming to get that tattoo as a testimony of your love for another, are they coming along with you?  What does it say that you are willing to make that commitment, and they are not?  Don't buy the "I don't like tattoos" excuse... Or, do, because if they don't like tattoos they are going to LOVE seeing their name etched in your skin everyday until they leave you.  When a relationship is obviously lop-sided with one person being far more invested than the other, the other begins to question whether they should be in that relationship.  First, they may question whether they deserve you, but this quickly turns into whether or not you deserve them.  If you are getting that name-tattoo, don't be the only one.  If your partner is not interested, heed their sound wisdom.

 Again, as you should never get a tattoo for another person, have you considered what you are trying to say by getting that tattoo?  The tattoo is on you, not your lover.  It is akin to saying, "Baby, I love you so much that I bought myself a new watch/necklace to show you, and your picture is on the face/in the locket!"  You may think you did it for them, but clearly this is about you.  Maybe you should embrace that feeling.  If you feel that this relationship is a milestone in your life that is worthy of celebration, then get a tattoo that celebrates that feeling.  Maybe get your birth-flowers intertwined, or have your artist work your Zodiac symbols into a design.  Make the tattoo about that moment in your life, and not the other person.  You will regret the tattoo less if it is about your moment, and not someone else.  If not, have you considered taking that money and maybe getting away for the weekend with that special someone?  The memories made will probably mean more to them than your tattoo.

It is almost guaranteed return business...

 Speaking of other people, ask yourself this question; if your lover had the name of their ex tattooed on them for you to see everyday, how would you feel?  Would you be okay with it, or would you want them to get it removed or covered up?  If it is the latter, this is what you will put anyone who dates you after this relationship through.  Now, I know right now you KNOW this relationship will last forever, but if you think that your lover having his or her ex's name tattooed on them is a bad decision, then YOU MUST question the decision you are making now!

 The bottom line is this: Think before you Ink.  In a tattoo studio, artists are there to give you what you want, no matter how ill-advised what you want may be.  Getting that name tattooed may be the moment in your relationship that seals the deal, but it will more likely be the nail in the coffin.  And, if you go through with it in spite of all that you have read here, remember what your artist tells you as you leave the shop.  I will bet money it is a mention of what he or she charges for cover-ups. 

 Jason Sorrell is a writer, tattoo artist, satirist, artist, and generally nice guy living in Austin, TX.  He loves answering questions about tattoos.  Shoot him a message at https://www.facebook.com/tattoonerdz/